You are currently browsing the monthly archive for May 2010.

When we got home yesterday, Irish loaded up Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe that we bought. He played thorough the entire story mode on DC and wouldn’t let me play. After fighting with Gunnie a bunch over the project, he offered me the controller to hit things, but he was playing as Joker and I didn’t want to use him. I went away again and ended up talking to Gunnie some more. Finally yelled at him too. By the time I came back, he was playing as Superman and didn’t want to give it up. He was finally on the boss fight and couldn’t get through it. That’s when he actually let me try. I beat him in 2 tries. It was awesome. Irish made excuses that the computer made it easier since he died so many times. I then felt compelled to post it on Twitter and Facebook. Hah.

He started the MK story mode even after I had said I wanted to play something else. I wanted to play some Halo, but he said he hates it. I don’t get that.

But now I’m apparently the girl I always hated. AngryGinger wanted to come over for some co-op and Irish showed me the text. I said exactly how I felt, which was a mistake. So he told AG that I want a quiet night, blaming me for it not happening and AG responded with *whipcrack*. My retort was “Since when do you do what I ask? And when do I even ask you to do anything?” The look on his face was indescribable, then I had the idiocy to say “If anything, you have ME whipped. It’s kinda ridiculous. I’m a disgrace to girls everywhere”. I tried to laugh it off, but it didn’t really work. Oh GOD why did I ever start being blunt and honest with him?! I’m so fucked.

I went back into the office and kept working and when I came back out he asked if I wanted to watch Castle. Maybe I can still salvage this night. I hope. I said, “Sure, lemme just finish what I’m working on.” He kinda scoffed at me and I’m not entirely sure why. I just brushed it off and went back to work, finishing up as I had said.

I came back out and waited for him to stop playing MK, all the while attempting to apologize for being a bitch and that I really don’t wanna be that girl. But no matter what I said, he still seemed put off by the whole thing. We were gonna watch Castle, but then saw that Pandora was on, which he said he always wanted to see, but that I wouldn’t because it’s horror. I asked what it was about, saying that we could try, but if I get too freaked out then I know better or next time. He seemed to be getting a bit exasperated with me at this point. So I tried to make him understand that if he wants to watch it, then that’s fine. I just might have worse night terrors than usual. The movie was good, a little creepy but not too much. I figured it was alright and I’d be fine, so it’s all good.

We went to bed and I took my shirt off to put on lotion, but didn’t take anything else off. I walked back into the bedroom and he was already stripped down and getting snuggled in for reading and sleep. I went to my side of the bed and got undressed the rest of the way. As I was taking off my pants, I bent over in what I was hoping was a slightly sexy way. Then I heard “Woo!” and just laughed to myself. “What’s woo, the book or me?” “You.” “Oh well I’m glad I’m ‘woo.’ You’re always woo.” I then began to rub and stroke him as I usually do when I’m trying to get him into the mood or at least trying to get him to know that I am. After awhile, he told me that he didn’t want to do it tonight and that he was still not feeling that great since he’s detoxing from the sleeping pills. So I just cuddled up behind him while he continued reading.

I started babbling on about things again and being girly, saying that he should just ignore the things I’d said at lunch, because I was being girly and that I blame the impending biology for the over-emotional and horniness. I ended up saying something about it being frustrating not knowing and he patted my hand, basically the cue to shush. We both turned over and began falling asleep, and I just said “I figure one of these days you’ll tell me and then I can stop agonizing over it” “What?” “I said I figure one of these days you’ll tell me how you feel.” “I’m tired.” “I mean about me, but I’m not asking for anything right now, it’s late.” It was very awkward and silent for awhile until I finally got into a comfortable position to go to sleep.

When I woke up this morning, I had actually slept through the night. He woke me up at some point with a terror, but it wasn’t that bad. For some reason though, I kept trying to call him Bryan or Brad, then my night vision finally realized it was Irish. When we were waking up, I started lightly rubbing and touching him again, hoping to stat something in the morning like what happened the previous morning. No such luck, but when he finally did start reading, I cuddled up to him. Then when he was done and about to get up, he kissed me on the forehead. It was adorable.

We got up and had meatball subs for lunch and he did some dishes, laundry, and cleaned the coffee table. Now he’s playing MK vs DC some more. I think we’re gonna wash our cars today, but I’m not sure. It’s why I didn’t get a shower yet, so I hope he realizes that. Oh wait… he’s a guy, so I have no idea. Sigh… Oh well. If we do wash cars, it’ll be neat. If not, I have to get a shower anyway to go to Gunnie’s at some point today.


Took me forever to finish that paper for Shakespeare, but dammit, it’s done. I ended up procrastinating until midnight when TinyFists sent me her paper and said that she grabbed some wine and it helped her. I figured it was worth a shot, so I did. In the next 4 hours I damn near finished the paper. I worked with Gunnie on it while I was writing it, so it actually took longer than it should’ve, but it’s alright cuz I ended up with a slightly better paper at the end of it.

Gunnie called me in the morning at around 10. I’d had 4 hours of sleep. We went over corrections. I went back to sleep. Then Beast called and I told him to meet me at noon at the library cuz that’s when I had to turn in my paper. I ended up getting no more sleep and wound up getting down to the library at about 12, but couldn’t find the room until about 12:10 or so. I turned in the paper and we were walking back down when I saw someone from my class who was also lost finding the room to which we were to take the papers. I guided her and then we left.

We walked back up the hill to Walker and I realized that we live right next to each other and yet went all the way to the library so he could give me the money he owed me for the IndieCade registration. We finally got to the top of the hill and he handed me the money, as I made a joke about it looking like a drug deal or something. He said that it would make it look even worse if I shoved the money in my bra or something. I was shocked enough at the fact that Beast said that, but even more at the idea of it. I said it’d be exhibitionism too because I’d have to either go up under my shirt, exposing myself, or reach down the neck hole, either way would look awkward and ridiculous. I put the money in my back pocket saying “I’ll just put it in my pants” and we just laughed over it. We said our goodbyes til Tuesday and I went inside.

The original idea was to go back to bed, but I realized I had to go to Gunnie’s soon enough and got a shower and messed with my computer for too long then ate my leftover Chop Suey. Went to Gunnie’s and didn’t really get anything done. Dan didn’t get the files to us that we needed and so we were SOL. I suggested we go to Starbucks and we ended up spending hours there talking about things. I mentioned that even though it may sound narcissistic, I think the world would be better off and there would be more happy people if more girls were like me. We laughed. We talked for awhile about my worries of Irish and his lack of affection showing. Also how I don’t know how he feels, but I know how I feel. I know it doesn’t matter really how he feels or if he’ll ever feel the same way. I just want to be with him for as long as I can. I know that much.

Later, Clancy came over and we played Ticket to Ride. I would’ve won because I had a natural 75 points before the route score. Clancy only had 49. But we both beat Gunnie. Foodie  showed up in the middle of the game and was talking to us. I once again opened my mouth entirely too freely around him. I don’t know what it is about him that makes me do that, but I just start spilling the most inappropriate stuff to him. We all talked for awhile as I was waiting for Irish to get home anyway since he had to stay late for work.

At some point I know I mentioned the 17 yr old engaged and preggers thing b/c Gunnie said ‘oops’ and I said “No oops. Never say oops. Oops is bad” He didn’t quite get it at first, but did eventually. I also made some sort of crack to Foodie and the guys when someone said something about “he’d get lost in the bush” and responded that “no he wouldn’t.” Foodie’s reaction was basically “well, damn” and the other two were kinda blown away in general and confused.

So after entirely too much talking on my part, I left for Irish’s and got there around 9. He was asleep. I curled up next to him and we napped together shortly. Then we watched Chuck and House with Jack and cokes. I was hoping he was going to get a bit drunk and want to fool around. I was wrong. We went to bed and I stopped reading early again. Then I started touching his stomach and back and kissing up and down his side since he had his back to me. After a long time, he finally said that he wasn’t in the mood and to try him in the morning. I was a bit annoyed because I was a bit frustrated already, but knew I couldn’t do anything about it and tried to go to sleep.

Sleep didn’t come. I tried. I ended up turning my light back on and reading for awhile until I finally felt I was a bit sleepy. He had fallen asleep about an hour or so before me at this point. I figured if nothing else, that’d help the morning thing. I always wake up before him and then can’t keep still or fall back asleep.

Throughout the night, we were both restless, him his usual self, and me too hopped up on caffeine to stay knocked out. A few times in the night, I tried to get curled up to him and failed miserably. It wasn’t until I stopped trying that he actually got close to me. At some point, he rolled over when I was on my side and pulled me to him, pulling himself closer as well. He wrapped his arms all the way around me and put his mouth on my neck and the back of my head and sighed. This warm feeling of just, pure awesome spread through my body. I could hardly believe he was doing it. I snuggled down and enjoyed the time being held by him, even if it was just in his sleep so it was his subconscious doing it. At least I know that his subconscious has feelings for me.

Every time we ended up apart after that, he still managed to move back to pull me in once more, getting into the same position each time. It was amazing and awesome. I felt loved for maybe the first time in this relationship. It just felt… wow. I hardly have to words.

After awhile, I tried doing some light grinding of my butt to his pelvis and stroked my leg up and down his in what I hoped was a sexual way. He shifted and moved against me a bit but nothing major. It took quite a few episodes of trying like that to finally get his attention. In fact, what finally did it was when I reached my leg back, rubbing against his, and then bent it so that it was behind him. It felt almost yoga-ish. He responded. He slid his hand down from its place under my head and slid it onto my leg, rubbing softly.

—— omitted ——

I just lay on my stomach, pleased as anything. In the after glow, I said “Good morning. I like waking up like this.” He chuckled and we curled up together and went back to sleep for awhile.

After I got up to take a shower, I heard him get up too. Then there were noises in the kitchen and I was thinking about making egg sandwiches for breakfast. When I came out of the shower, he had made scrambled eggs with 2 forks so that I was clearly supposed to have some. It was very cool. Then we installed his new taillights and antenna and I helped, kinda.

We went out and ran some errands that he had to do, going to gamestop and such, then walked the mall awhile, hitting Borders and trying to catch AngryGinger at work at Apple, but that failed. I also had forgotten my wallet so I couldn’t buy anything I wanted anyway. We were leaving the mall and he asked if I was hungry, and I was, but I also knew I didn’t have any money, so I made it clear to him that we could go anywhere he wanted to and I can’t complain about it, since he’s definitely paying for it. I think the odd look he gave me and the general confusion meant that he had intended to pay regardless, and while I don’t know if that’s true, it’s a nice idea.

We decided on Ruby Tuesday and were going to get drinks, but then I realized I didn’t have my ID on me. Luckily the guy didn’t ask for it so he got a martini, medium dry, stirred, and I got a Ruby Relaxer. After waffling on what I wanted for actual food, I ended up getting BBQ chicken with broccoli and mashed potatoes. It was good. I then found out that he likes Tiramisu. I was almost speechless. I have never met anyone else that actually liked it. I told him this. We got one and split it. It was delicious.

We went to a car parts/accessories place and ArtPunk  finally called me back about Saturday night festivities. They were going to a show in Towson then the bar near it at midnight. I knew it didn’t sound that great and then adding the late night factor into it, I decided against it. Then told Irish about it. He was in agreement of the stupidity of the event for the 2 of us.

The re-con to Jay’s yesterday was alright. I got all my stuff back from his place finally. The only things left are my saved games on his xbox, but I doubt I’ll be getting those ever. With the addition of laundry and a few things from my apartment to take home, my car was literally full to bursting. It was nuts. I went to get lunch to take to Mom and I had to put it on the driver’s side floor then hold it with my left leg. Good thing I don’t drive a manual.

Overall, there were a few tears and then we hugged at the end of it all. I almost lost it there, but held it together. He, however was crying right after the hug. Then I left and had to get gas and he was going to Josh’s, but then he pulled in behind me in Exxon. That was more than a little awkward. I didn’t even know what to say. He asked if everything was okay, and I replied “Why would I be okay?” It kinda shut him up for a second and then I stopped the gas pump at less than 3 gallons just to get out of there and hit a cheaper spot. he thought I was trying to run away from him and I snapped “NO, I just can’t afford it. I have NO MONEY!” He shut up again and then said goodbye again as I was getting into my car. Then he said “Don’t run me over now” to which I rolled my window down and said smirking, “Don’t tempt me.” He thought I was joking. Pah.

Parent visit was weird though. Talking about Jay and such. Then my mom asked about my life recently and to catch her up on things. So I tried to tell her about Irish and that he’s coming to my graduation dinner and that he’s my boyfriend. She just kept saying, “No, he’s your friend. He’s just a really good friend.” I don’t know what her problem is. Finally I said to her that I’ve known him for months, I’ve been seeing him for months, and that I’ve basically been dating him for months, there was just some overlap with Jay, but that Irish stuck with it and didn’t just run away or give up on me. So now, since I became single again, we’ve been dating a lot more and now he’s my boyfriend. “Who’s idea was that?” she said incredulously. “His. And I’m not gonna fight it.” She just kinda scoffed at me and blew me off.

Later my dad got home and we talked more. When dad asked who Irish was, she said “He’s a good friend.” She was so adamant about it.

I’m wondering what her reaction will be when she finds out we’re going to Tennessee together in a few weeks. Heh. That’s gonna be just peachy.

Just finished transcribing all the entries I had written in my moleskin notebook. It’s 4am. I need to be at Jay’s to get my stuff in about 8 hours. Fuck. And I have to grab Chinese food on the way to Mom’s from there. I’m looking online right now to see what I should order that’s healthy and not like the crispy chicken I always get. So far my options seem to be:
Moo goo gai pan
chop suey
lo mein (but it’s noodles)
hot and sour soup
miso soup??
white rice

I think I’m gonna go with Chicken Chop Suey. Now watch, that’s what Mom will get. 😛

Now that I’ve wasted entirely too much time, I’m going to read my steam punk romance and try to get some sleep.

Turned in my final from last semester instead, the crime scene thing. Oh well.

Mike fell asleep. We’re fucked. Oh wait, no… I’M fucked!

So the burgers were good except for the being rare part. I just can’t eat meat that way. My stomach has been doing sick lurches ever since. That and I had to chug half a Killians before driving to Gunnie’s because Irish wanted to leave for his parents’ place to say a Happy Mother’s day to them. I was a bit bitter about leaving because of our conversation right before that and I think he was too.

A commercial came on that asked “Do you have 5, 10, 15 or even 25000 dollars of credit card debt?” At which point, he said, “yeah about that much.” This confused the hell outta me. I knew that he’d had some trouble with credit before and that he had to deal with it for awhile, but I thought it was merely affecting his current score, not that it was currently a problem. I prodded and shouldn’t have. He snapped at me when I finally got it out of him. I regretted it immediately. I had forgotten about it. I tried to apologize, but the tension in the living room could’ve been cut with a knife it was so thick. But then a few minutes later, he asked “Shouldn’t you be going soon?” “Yeah, I’m going. I gotta finish my beer and then go drive. I’m a winner!” and then a few minutes later, he turned to me and just gave me this look that burned into me, searing me to my core. “Well?” “What?” “You should go” “I know, I am” “Well I wanna leave” “Jesus! Fine!” and chugged the remaining half of my killians, got up and threw the bottle away and stormed off to collect my stuff to leave.

When I finally get my stuff together, I started out the door and he followed. “Seeya later, good luck, have fun.” Snidely and full of bitterness, I said “yeah, whatever.” After getting into my car, I almost cried right there. I teared up a bit after he pulled away, then I sped out of the driveway and was right behind him until he pulled off to go to his parents’ house.

I got to Gunnie’s and was bitter, hurt, and already exhausted. He caught on quickly and responded with “Oh, no…” “Yeah…” Foodie was there playing video games and I said hello briefly. I sat down in the dining room trying to get started, but then said “So that reading you did for me the other day? It was way too accurate.” “That’s… not what I wanted to hear. I’m so sorry. Well, at least it’s supposed to end well.” “yeah but the journey through hell is the problem.”

I started telling them(Gunnie, his mother, and Foodie) about everything that had happened in the recent few days, including the conversation about BoobsMcGee, the general tenseness, and the fight about the credit thing.

He’s making burgers and just came in to tell me. I put an arm around him and was rubbing his side gently, then grabbed the loop on the side of his jeans and tugged him gently toward me. The angle that he was standing, I couldn’t get up high enough to kiss him, but then he leaned down a bit, so I hugged him, then pulled away, feeling a bit silly for hugging him randomly. Then I just tilted up to kiss him though, at which point he actually returned the kiss, opening his mouth a bit to slide his tongue between my lips (hehehe) and started kissing me in a much better way than what I had been expecting. I had a moment of “wow” and of breathlessness, where I had to realize that this was not the time nor the place to start getting randy.

With my head still spinning though, I asked smirking, “So how long do burgers take?” “about 5 minutes a side” “damn, alright” I had actually considered taking him right then. I’ve had a lot of those moments recently. I keep wanting to jump him randomly, and he keeps giving me reason to. I mean hell, I wanted to jump the table at Houlihans and rawr him right there. Gah. He is so delicious. And the burgers are ready. Woot!

He doesn’t seem to realize that two can play the cold and heartless game. But I really don’t want to play that. I want to be affectionate. I want him to be affectionate. Hell, I just want him to make some sort of effort to be cute or cuddly or loving and caring or something toward me. The occasional kiss, hug, backrub, leg squeeze, anything. I’m big on contact. Any kind of contact. Why won’t he just give me that?

I’m working on getting him to open up to it, but it’s a slow process. I don’t know why he’s so closed off though. I mean, even today I was trying to show him that all he really has to do is show some affection and I’ll respond.

I yoinked his Dr. Pepper today and had a few sips then put it on the table in front of me, instead of back in his hand. After a few minutes, he pointed at the bottle and made grabbing motions. “Use your words like a big boy” “It’s not in my hand and it should be” “Well how do you think you can get it back?” “You give it back to me, since it belongs in my hands and you took it.” “No, what’s the one thing that you can do to get me to give you something?” “I don’t know, tell you to do it?” “No.” I got close to his face with mine, trying to give him a not-so-subtle hint toward it. “Really? You don’t remember what you can do?” “I don’t know.” “Ugh, just come here!” I kissed him quickly and pointedly, then handed him the soda. “That’s it. All you have to do is kiss me and you can have what you want.” “Um, ok.” “I don’t know why you haven’t learned this yet. Dammit, I’m going to make you show affections somehow! Ugh!” He seemed confused, but then drank his soda and moved on in his head.

I just need to keep reminding myself “baby steps, baby steps.”

So today I had planned to hit Iron Man 2 with Irish at 11:15 and then hop over to How to Train your Dragon, but we decided against it. We woke up latish, after me tossing and turning and not wanting to wake him up, but also not wanting to leave the bed, with the silly and irrational hope of getting morning sex. I grabbed my book “Wyrd Sisters” for awhile and then he finally woke up. We made sandwiches then headed to Lowes for yardwork supplies, which I kept saying were for him, cuz I wasn’t gonna help. I kept making excuses that I’d be useless and I have homework to work on, but that didn’t change things, He just kept saying “No, you’re helping with the yardwork” Then he bought gardening gloves for me and I knew he wasn’t kidding.

We got back and I changed into the green tanktop I’d brought for “partying” that wasn’t going to get used for such, so I figured, why not? I pulled all the weeds from his front path and rock bed. There was some sort of huge-ass devil plant that was embedded in the side of the house that I had to get out. It had huge spiders all over it and then at the end of it all, I found this huge caterpillar. It was black with red stripes(yes Irish, like the beer) and huge and furry. It didn’t really look like a caterpillar at all really. And then i poked at it and it shot some sort of odd green goo at me. I had to show it to Irish, but I really wanted to just kill it. It wasn’t really moving, but when we came back out after showering, it was gone. I have no idea where it scurried off to.

We went to his parents house to return the borrowed weedwacker and I said hello to them all. I told his dad about Dr. Voodoo being on the app store and that we’ve sold 15 copies already. It was very cool. I told IrishSis about Irish making me do yardwork with him and she basically said, “you could’ve said No” but I explained that even after telling him I should work on homework and my project and that I’d be little use out there, he still was adamant.

We saw his mom on the way out the door and she was talking about the blanket she’s making for Nephew and then I told her about the blanket I’ve been making that’s Ravens colors, but now has to be just a purple black and gold blanket, since it’s not a very Ravens friendly environment around Irish’s place.

In the car, we then had a convo about BoobsMcGee and how it makes me crazy and jealous when I think about them and when I saw the way he looked at her and how that makes me feel like complete shit. he seemed to take it as a problem, and said that i have to get over it cuz she’s a good friend and is gonna be around a lot. It was awkward. I made the point that i was just being honest and he said “you’re an idiot, I’m just being honest” “I really wanna hit you so hard right now, I’m just being honest” we laughed, but Idk what he’s thinking about the whole thing anymore.

We went out to Houlihans for dinner at around 345 and he got a black and tan and then after a few minutes of menu searching I ordered a Sex in the City Blonde Ambition. I think it was a mix of Vodka, honey, lemon, and lime. We both got burgers with green beans on the side.

When the bill finally came, there was a moment of “Are you covering yours?” and I said “I’m your girlfriend now, that means I shouldn’t have to pay anymore” he said smirking “no, it means that I don’t have to try anymore cuz now I got you” I said “well, I don’t have a job” he seemed to have forgotten that and then we got in an interestingly tense convo about that briefly. He ended up paying for it, which was cool.

We went over to Columbia mall to see Iron Man 2 but it was sold out so we took some sort of long-ass route to Arundel Mills to see it at Muvico. He paid for my ticket, begrudgingly, but he did it. I then offered to buy snacks, as a sort of peace offering and to show that he doesn’t need to pay for everything, but that it’s just very appreciated when he does it sometimes, especially when it’s meals and dates.

The movie itself was very awesome. We sat in the front row, like for Avatar and then about 2/3rds of the way through it or so, I finally got snuggled up to him. The seat next to me was empty, so it made it a lot easier. He actually put his arm around me and after awhile he even put his hand on mine. When it was almost the end of the movie though, I had to shift because my back was just hurting like mad. I took his hand and he didn’t return it, but didn’t shrink back from it either.

After leaving the theatre, I realized how bad my sunburn really was. We decided to swing by my place and grab some stuff for my sunburn, a coat, and tennis shoes. It was on the drive over there that I realized I really want to go running tomorrow, but then I forgot to grab my inhaler and I realized I have to work tomorrow. So I guess I won’t be running.

We went back to Irish’s place and then AngryGinger showed up while Irish was putting sunburn stuff on me. The three of us hung out for awhile, them playing Resident Evil 5 some more and me watching for awhile until I realized I should finish the key building model. So I did that, then brought my computer out to the living room to type this. After many hours of them playing, we finally loaded up Guitar Hero and went for a Rockfest achievement. This meant that I couldn’t sing because it had to be 4 of the same instrument. I got bored with it fairly quickly and the 4 or 5 drinks I’d had apparently weren’t affecting me at all.

Eventually, I stopped playing and then AngryGinger left when the playlist set was over. Irish announced that he was drunk and was going to bed. I followed, griping that I wasn’t drunk and that it made no sense. After a bit of coercion while he was reading, he finally returned my advances and started kissing me.

—— omitted ——

In the afterglow, we curled up together once again, me ignoring the pain of the sunburn in order to just be close to him.

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