He doesn’t seem to realize that two can play the cold and heartless game. But I really don’t want to play that. I want to be affectionate. I want him to be affectionate. Hell, I just want him to make some sort of effort to be cute or cuddly or loving and caring or something toward me. The occasional kiss, hug, backrub, leg squeeze, anything. I’m big on contact. Any kind of contact. Why won’t he just give me that?

I’m working on getting him to open up to it, but it’s a slow process. I don’t know why he’s so closed off though. I mean, even today I was trying to show him that all he really has to do is show some affection and I’ll respond.

I yoinked his Dr. Pepper today and had a few sips then put it on the table in front of me, instead of back in his hand. After a few minutes, he pointed at the bottle and made grabbing motions. “Use your words like a big boy” “It’s not in my hand and it should be” “Well how do you think you can get it back?” “You give it back to me, since it belongs in my hands and you took it.” “No, what’s the one thing that you can do to get me to give you something?” “I don’t know, tell you to do it?” “No.” I got close to his face with mine, trying to give him a not-so-subtle hint toward it. “Really? You don’t remember what you can do?” “I don’t know.” “Ugh, just come here!” I kissed him quickly and pointedly, then handed him the soda. “That’s it. All you have to do is kiss me and you can have what you want.” “Um, ok.” “I don’t know why you haven’t learned this yet. Dammit, I’m going to make you show affections somehow! Ugh!” He seemed confused, but then drank his soda and moved on in his head.

I just need to keep reminding myself “baby steps, baby steps.”

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