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It’s been awhile. I’ve failed at the PostAWeek thing. I’ve failed a lot this year. And others have failed me.

October 6 – lost my job. Brutally. They didn’t give me a good answer as to why. Just a lame “you don’t have the skills and experience we require”, a severance agreement to sign, and a failed attempt to transfer my work computer files over to my server. There was little to no sympathy from the person I needed it from the most. But that’s to be expected and will make sense in the next paragraph.

November 4/5 (late night/early morning) – Irish broke up with me. Another brutal blow. Spurred by AngryGinger, who had the best of intentions to see his friends happy. I get that, though it didn’t exactly help us be happy. And now I will always “remember, remember the 5th of November” as that day. The day I lost everything. Again. The day I had to find a way back into AngryGinger’s locked house to get my glasses so I could drive home at 7am after not sleeping at all, but just crying for 6 hours. The day I twisted my ankle horribly in those stupid 4 inch heel boots while trying to find the back porch to try the sliding door to get inside. The day I again got no sympathy from those closest to me.

I don’t know if it helped him be happy, but it sure didn’t work for me. I was suddenly very much alone. And fragile. And there were at least 2 weeks with daily breakdowns, crying, yelling, anger, more crying, emptiness, and general misery. The breakdowns slowed to a few times per week, and have now abated to about twice per week.

This whole situation, including the job loss, the heartbreak, and the lack of a proper support system, succeeded in setting off my latent depression and suicidal tendencies. I was struggling everyday to even function. I wouldn’t get out of bed until after noon, would cry uncontrollably for hours, and started staying up until 4am, doing nothing at all. I constantly considered the possibilities before me. The easy solution became very appealing. With the only thought against it being, who would take care of Thomas? I’ve never had something depend on me for life. And I couldn’t do that to him. Somehow I could deal with upsetting the very few people who would really feel pain by it, but I couldn’t let Thomas become homeless again, or die in a shelter, or be raised by someone who isn’t good enough. That amuses me in a very morbid way. But still, it’s funny to think that the cat saved my life. He kept me from doing the unmentionable. So I thank him for that. Especially because things have slightly improved.

December 6 – started a new job. Not perfect, but it’s a good atmosphere, good people, great commute, and easy work.

December 9 – realized I love my job, causing my first positive manic state in a long, long time. It didn’t last long though.

December 15 – tried to reach out and open myself up to someone, and was instead torn apart, heartbroken, and then resolved not to do it again. And found that I’m definitely not ready for anything at all. Even if it seems safe.

December 16 – went to a doctor. Now I’m back on the medication. Hopefully this will help with the depression. We’ll see in a few weeks or so.

I haven’t had the energy to do anything over the last few months. Especially in the last several weeks. Hence the lack of posting. Hopefully this will be the renewal of my blogging and I’ll get back into it. One can only hope.

I’ve been avoiding writing this post because I knew what it would mean. It’d be admitting that this has all happened. Admitting that I am alone, now more than ever. That no matter what I do, and how good my life is going, something is going to come along and fuck it all up. That I can’t stop the inevitable and to try is futile, painful, and just makes it worse for everyone in the end. That enjoying the moment is all well and good, but it comes with the knowledge that there will be bad to outweigh that good, eventually. Basically that life sucks and I need to get used to having my heart broken and being disappointed and alone. But also that I need to see what I have, when I have it, and before it’s gone – but not to hold onto it too tightly, because it’ll just shrink from my affections and run away, leaving me more alone and confused than I can imagine.

Things need to change. Hopefully the new year will bring that for me.

Well, the east side of the beltway, compared to my current home. But still west of Baltimore.

In case someone has missed out on the news, I am moving to a new abode this week. I’ve already moved a few things in and Saturday will be a huge furniture moving day. My first night sleeping there will be tonight after my free viewing of the Killer Elite premiere. (So awesome.) Thomas will be coming with me so today is his last day of lonely freedom at Irish’s house. And last night was the final time that he will be jumping on the headboard and annoying us all night, since he’ll have to just curl up on the futon with me now.

I had been apartment hunting for a few months, then got really serious about it a month or so ago. I asked around on Facebook first and got a few hits, but only from people who don’t have jobs or the money to move out just yet. Which is totally understandable. Then I got on Roommates.com and did some searching. Most things were out of my price range, and unless I paid for a membership, I couldn’t receive messages from the people directly, so I had to send them a message with my email and hope they cared enough to get back to me. That didn’t work out too well. Then I hit Craigslist – a veritable gold mine of listings that I had somehow never used before. I replied to a bunch of people looking for roommates or renters, about 8 per day for a week or so.

The first day of my search, I came upon a gem of a post that was so specific about what the girl wanted in a roommate that I just couldn’t pass it up. She clearly knew what it was like to have a crappy roommate. And she knew how to be an adult and deal with household problems. And she’d accept another pet in the house, since she has a dog. And she was looking for someone right away. And the rent wasn’t too high. So I dropped her a line. Not 30 minutes later, I received a heartfelt and excited reply confirming my hopes – the room was still available and she loved my email, which included a detailed description of my habits, interests, etc. So we setup a date and time to meet and for me to checkout the house. Yes, HOUSE. It’s a small townhouse. Not a crummy little apartment thing.

The hurricane had knocked out her power, so when I came over it was light outside, but getting dark by the minute. We hung out for 3 hours in the dark and just chatted and got to know each other. It was pretty awesome. Her dog was friendly and fun. We talked about so many things I can’t even remember it all, but it ranged from our favorite shows to video games to boyfriends to dinner/cooking arrangements (she’s vegetarian and I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t be offending her by eating meat).

Finally, we said our goodbyes and I went home to Irish. I practically exploded with information when I sat down on the couch next to him. Babbling on and on about the things we talked about and the pros/cons of the house and potential situation. He just smiled and nodded as he continued watching TV or playing a game or whatever he was doing.

I let it simmer for a few days, widening my search and continuing to reply to Craigslist people, even getting onto the Facebook Marketplace thing for housing – Roomster or something – but that didn’t last long. I couldn’t find anything cheaper that I liked better or that would accept Thomas, so I emailed the girl again and we kept talking about prospective details and becoming more and more friendly.

Now, about a month later, we’ve exchanged several emails (90% of them longer than 400 words apiece, some about 800, like this post), had a lasagna dinner together at the house with our boyfriends, watched a movie together (As Good As It Gets), and had a pet visit so the dog, Biloxi could meet Thomas and they could get over the initial shock of “What the hell is that furry thing looking at me?!”

I’ve already moved in a few boxes and small furniture, there’s a futon for a bed from the previous roommate (yes, I washed the cover), and I’m moving the rest of the big furniture on Saturday with Irish, Grapple, and my parents. Thomas and I will start sleeping there tonight, as I mentioned, so that’ll be the true test of the futon’s sleepability.

And I realize that between house hunting and looking for a second job, I haven’t really bothered blogging. Shame on me. I’m 10 posts behind for PostAWeek2011. Must… catch… up… but that won’t be happening anytime soon. Maybe another post will pop up on here today about the job. Who knows?


So I just experienced my first earthquake. Wow. That was pretty huge for me. Plates were rattling in the cabinets, shelves were shaking, stuff was falling over, and Thomas bolted to hide under the couch. We’re both still a bit shaken.

Turns out it originated in Virginia as a 5.9 magnitude earthquake, with the effects reaching all the way along the east coast. There were reported tremors from the Carolinas to NYC and I’m sure even farther than that. The above map shows the reported effects. I just logged my experience. Did you feel it too? Go here and tell them about it.

Thomas was hiding in terror under the couch for a few minutes, but now he’s just napping on the couch next  to me, like nothing happened. Glad I was working from home today though. Just to be here with him.

I love that there is more coverage and news about the east coast earthquake on Twitter and Facebook than any news sites yet. Win. Social networks are the future of news coverage.

I SURVIVED EASTQUAKE 2011.

(UPDATE: I had to swap out the auto-updating map to one from their archives, since it kept changing to reflect each aftershock and such, and then wasn’t showing a cumulative representation of responses from the 2pm earthquake.)

They eat anything. As I have now observed through Thomas.

There's Nothing Funnier Or Sadder Looking Than A Wet Cat

Sometimes I wonder when he’s going to murder me in my sleep for bathing him…

Anyway, Sunday night we came home to a house covered in kitten vomit of varying colors and consistencies. I immediately started freaking out and panicking that he was going to die and it would be my fault. There may have also been a lot of flailing and general moans of worry. And lots of kitten holding. I didn’t know what was wrong, and everything online talks about “if the vomit is this color, it’s this problem” which is USELESS when his had been clear, white, reddish (only once), and also brown piles. But in what order, I’m not sure. I just cleaned it up.

I took away his food, put him in the bathroom for the night, and hoped for the best. He got sick a few more times, so I left him in the bathroom all day Monday, with water but no food.

Then he got sick twice yesterday while we were at work, but I could tell it was early in the day since the spots were dry. Last night he got sick a bit cuz he ate his food too fast. I guess he was just really hungry from not having food all day. I had given him 3 little wet meals over the course of 5 hours, instead of one big dinner. So he only puked up the last of the three. But he did it in the bathroom, so I’m proud of him for that. And today, he has been free to roam the house as usual.

So after freaking out for almost 2 days, the kitten should be okay. We’re gonna do smaller meals for awhile now. And more of it will be wet food.

I still don’t know what caused it. I think he ate a stinkbug on Sunday, but he’s done that before. We had ants attack again recently, so even though I wiped up the spray, he may have found some and licked it or something. I think he started puking from his window seat, so he could’ve eaten a bug or something from there.

But it seems like he’s going to be fine, and the next expense will be getting him neutered. I’ve been shopping around, but it seems like I’m going to have to shell out the $150 at the vet. Falls Road does it for $19, but that doesn’t include pain meds($35), an IV($63), or anything. So I’m leery of it. I’m gonna try the Animal Welfare Society, but their hours are very limited. So we’ll see.

We’ve had Thomas for about 6 weeks now and here’s the most recent pic:

Playing Portal 2 Together

Playing Portal 2 Together

This is one of my favorite pics of him and I think it’s the only one so far that shows my face. He does enjoy being a scarf kitten, and honestly I’m not gonna complain about it. It’s adorable and much more desirable than the alternative of him running around the house like a crackhead. He’s also getting bigger, though slowly. At the vet one month ago he was a little over 2 pounds. I’m hoping this Friday he’ll weigh in at about 3.

Also, he’s taken a shine to the iPad, well all my Apple products actually. He likes playing the Friskies fishing game.

This past week has been a bit intense for me when it comes to Thomas because he decided to eat my favorite bookmark. Because it had a tassel. He destroyed it and ripped it to shreds. I’m sure he was very happy with himself. Well there was a small ceramic penguin on the tassel, which I managed to save from the first kitty onslaught. But the next night, he got to the very top of the headboard shelves and found the penguin. Now since I can’t find it anywhere, I assume he ate it. I’ve been freaking out that he is going to die because it could be stuck inside him somewhere. It hasn’t come out either end as far as I can tell, and I still haven’t found it anywhere. I’m beginning to worry again. This is why I can’t have nice things…

Fun with Science
I recently borrowed Portal 2 from Goat and have been having a lot of fun with it. I still have to play the original, but my computer is laggy as hell right now. Old age and all that. Irish played through the original Portal about a week ago and Thomas was having a good time with it too. He loves anything with motion, cuz well he’s a cat. But I’m glad he enjoys the technology around him with minimal chewing. Lots of soft pawing, which is unfortunate with touch screens, but minimal chewing at least.

Portal 2I’ve been enjoying the hell out of Portal 2 and I’m really glad Goat let me borrow it for awhile. I’m at around Chapter 5 right now I think. The snippets of comedy strewn throughout are fantastic and the story is great so far. Irish and I need to do Co-Op together soon. We played it with AngryGinger, but since half was on my profile and half was on Irish’s, neither one of us got the achievement for the completion.

Irish has been avoiding watching me play so that he doesn’t have to deal with spoilers, so I’ve been trying to play when he’s not home, which is rare so that’s why I haven’t gotten very far along yet. He’s still playing through his second run of Fallout: New Vegas though so there’s no telling when he’ll get to Portal 2. We had the same issue with the Fable games, but dealt with it somehow. Though I think I was unemployed for some of that time, which made it easier for me to play without him there. We’ll see.

Also, I may have to change the blog layout soon to a more photo-oriented one, since I’m posting more pictures. That’s one good thing about having a kitten, you always have plenty of pictures to share. And the infrequent cuddles are also awesome, while they last.

He’s getting bigger but he still looks so small sometimes:

Lap Nap

Lap Nap

Thomas is doing really well so far. I took him to the vet yesterday and he was very well behaved. The vet confirmed that he’s only 8 weeks old, so I guess the woman who had him first got the month wrong, so he’s too young for shots and tests, but I’ll be taking him back to the vet in 2 weeks.

Snoozin on the Sofa

He came onto the couch for the first time last night. He’s been playing and cuddly and much more social. And I taught him how to use the litter box. I’m very proud of myself. And of him, which he knows cuz I then showered him with love.

I’ll be posting updates on him here as well as pictures to his photo album. You can hit the follow button and get updates whenever I upload new ones, which I will be doing a lot. I’m hoping to scrapbook his life and growth this way. I’m such a mom sometimes. And I know he’s gonna grow fast.

So yeah, he’s 8 weeks old and was just weaned. That woman was such a bad owner, trying to lie to all of us like that, or maybe she just couldn’t do math. And the vet said she probably had them all running outside because of the amount of ear mites and general neglect. He’s definitely underfed, which we are fixing.

I’m so glad I saved him from the shelter and gave him a good forever home. He’s gonna be the most spoiled thing ever. We hit Petsmart last night and I’ve already started a mental list of stuff I wanna get him when he gets bigger. Granted, I’ll probably like them more than he will, and if I buy him a fancy bed, I know he’ll just sleep in a box. Silly cats. But I loves them anyway.

Our family has a brand new member: Thomas O’Malley.

Thomas O'Malley - Tabby Extraordinaire

Thomas O'Malley - Tabby Extraordinaire - in his cat cave


His name is sufficiently geeky and awesome, as it’s Irish and a cartoon character, which is fitting, according to Schaffer the Darklord’s Nerd Lust “Tell my about your kitties do they fill you with laughter? And which cartoon characters did you name them after?” He’s named for the Disney Aristocats protagonist, so his full name is Abraham de Lacy Giuseppe Casey Thomas O’Malley. He’s an adorable little orange ball of fur and I loves him. Irish seems to love him too, since he was playing with him and petting him a lot. It was nice to seem him so affectionate and adoring.

I’m taking him to the vet tonight for his shots and a basic checkup to make sure he’s healthy. We don’t think his mother’s owner was really taking care of the kittens that well and he’s so small it looks like he wasn’t getting enough food. But now he’s in a happy, loving forever home and I hope he enjoys living with us.

Also, it seems we now have a mewing alarm clock. But it’s adorable, if not a little heartbreaking. I had to fight the urge to go comfort him last night when we went to bed, when the mewing started. To my surprise, Irish got up and went to console and pet him a bit, then came back to bed. The mewing stopped. This morning we took turns calling to him softly, reassuring him we were still there for him. “It’s okay Thomas,” Irish called softly. The mewing slowed. A few minutes later, he started up again. I called to him this time, “Thomas, it’s alright sweetie.” The mewing stopped. I guess he already is getting to know my voice. He was playing with my feet when I was getting ready for work this morning too. It was cute.

He’ll be staying in the bathroom while we’re at work until he’s a bit bigger and understands not to claw things up. The last thing I want is to come home and find our new(ish) couch destroyed. But as soon as one of us is home, the door opens and he’s allowed to wander to his heart’s content. Not that he has yet.

It just feels great having another living thing in the house. I realized that now, there’s a small living creature that depends on me for life. It’s an amazing feeling. I’m just glad to get this feeling from a cat and not a child. But anyway, there are more pictures of the kitten here. I’ll also be making a Facebook album for pics of him.

Hopefully his first vet visit goes well tonight. And I may need to buy some Benedryl to get me through the first week or so. Itchy eyes and such. Plus allergy season is here on top of it. Joy. But anyway, he’s got a new home, all his brothers and sisters got adopted yesterday, so none of them were taken to the shelter, and I finally have my first real pet ever. So awesome!

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